last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
COCAINE IS GR8
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
