come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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