I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
