Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
