Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
