But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
