Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
