My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
