You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
