I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
