i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
