What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm bleeding and have questions
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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