I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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