Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
