I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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