She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize