I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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