I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
