Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
