on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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