We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
