I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Girls should come with a carfax report
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my being single is dangerous.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
