Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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