Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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