Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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