I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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