Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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