While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
