so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
