I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
