? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
