im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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