Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
