its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
