I just made out with a guy for $7.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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