he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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