Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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