hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's just like the Real World with babies
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
