went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
