Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
