Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
