Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
