I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
