Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
