careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
