Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
