My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize