I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize