The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
