Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
