evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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