eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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