U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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