Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I want is dick and wine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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