How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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