He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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