I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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