Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
