i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
