people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
