Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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