Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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