i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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