I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
