So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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