Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
