I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
