What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize