What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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