Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
