A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
