I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
