You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
