Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize