You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
