yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize