I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
