he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
