I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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