pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
