I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
