she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
