Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize