I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
