god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
