I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
