Im at strip club and am horny
one might say we're banned from that church
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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