I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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