Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
