Grow some girl-balls and come out already
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
