Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
