I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
