you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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