wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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