His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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