I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
