you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize