We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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