I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
