I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
