Your face is a jimmy john
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
