Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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