Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
