Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize