We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
