Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
