shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
