sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize