You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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