But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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