I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize