found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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