If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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